At midnight we land. I wake Alula. She’s now so big that I can only carry her for about 0.4 seconds before I have to set her down again so there’s no way I’m carrying her off this plane. Plus I have shopping bags laden down with Percy Pigs and a My Little Pony. Bless …

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It’s trick or treat time. Being British I’m faintly disturbed by this tradition; squirmish about the concept of fancy dress (the effort involved seems commensurate with axing the trees to light your own funeral pyre), cynical of the commercialization of yet another pagan / christian ceremony and also mightily stressed out by the following email, …

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I am ill with flu. People have suggested various remedies: Having an enema, drinking colloidal silver, imbibing reishi mushroom tincture and green juice fasting. Has no one here heard of Nurofen cold and flu? I feel like some furtive drug dealer slipping them into my mouth whilst no one is looking….drugs are so frowned on …

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