A colleague, actually my work husband (do you have one of those? I highly recommend getting one if you can. You can boss them around and then you can fire them if they don’t do what you say, unlike a husband who I am informed I am not allowed to boss around nor fire). Unless of course you’re on a par with them, like I am with my work husband, in which case we spat, make up, spat, make up – though without the kissing usually involved in making up.

Anyway, my work husband just got back from the Tory party conference (again with the capital letter – why am I giving them one?). To contextualise this – my work husband is a dour scotsman who finds the idea of a conservative government about as palatable as eating pigs testicles for breakfast. So when he came back and announced that the energy at the tory party conference was ‘infectious – like swine flu,’ I felt my soul grind to a halt. He would argue that that would be impossible as I don’t have one. But I do.

We will of course be away when the time comes for Gordon to hand over the keys to number 10. So I won’t have to witness the David Cameron victory smile and the tumbleweed along the streets of London. I am particularly saddened because, and yes, I’m ashamed to admit this publicly, though most people I know already know this, I actually used to have a bit of a crush on Gordon. I know, I know – what’s wrong with me? I have tried to analyse it. I never had a crush on Tony. Nor on John, nor Maggie. Though was too young for them for sure. But Gordon – I’m not sure. I just kind of liked him. Perhaps he shared similarly dour qualities with my work husband. But over the last year my affections have waned much like the labour party’s popularity. Probably because he’s a loser and no one likes a loser. Perhaps it’s because in the shadow cast by the brilliant light of Obama he was sure to pale. And don’t even get me started on Obama – he’s hovering around three on my freebie five – so clearly there is a pattern here: I have a thing for men in power. As well as for Alex Skarsgard.

So is it a good time to leave the UK? ER – hell yeah. Do I want to witness the coming to power of a conservative government? Er – hell no. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere with a government I didn’t agree with in charge. Which rules out quite a few places including Saudi Arabia. Actually it probably rules out the whole world. I’d have to start my own country with me in charge. But failing that happening, I’m looking for a country with the following criteria: a left leaning government led by a man I fancy.

Which leaves only America. Will putting ‘because I fancy Obama’ mean my green card application gets fast tracked?