The sun is shining! For the first time in days the sky dawns a decadent blue. I scowl, then tramp down the stairs cursing loudly. Because it doesn’t matter what colour the sky is. We’re not going to be seeing it after all. No. We’re going to be underground, in the dark, crawling through caves. …
‘The next time I suggest a holiday in the UK please remind me of this.’ Suppressed laughter erupts from John. I kick him. ‘I swear to God this is the last time EVER I go on holiday in the UK. Why, why the hell did I ever think it would be a good idea to spend our …
I am going to die in leopard print shoes. The rasta on the London-Bristol bus who molested me when I was 21 and then grabbed my palm and told me I was going to die aged 62 in a car crash got his dates confused thanks to all the weed he’d just smoked in the …
Bird song Cool air South east accents (lots of fucking this fucking that) Pints of beer Kettle chips Roast lamb Strawberries and raspberries Croquet Beer bellies Bad fashion (I’m in the provinces) It’s light still at 7pm! Aggression Wine wine wine Goat’s cheese An English country garden complete with roses and um, I don’t know …
I am starting to wonder if there’s anyone in Ubud who believes in the theory of evolution. It’s not that Ubud is home to Christian fundamentalists all preaching creationism, hating on gays and believing we’re descended from Adam and Eve. Oh no, nothing like that. It’s that Ubud’s full of people who think we’re light …
I figured out that in the last two weeks we’ve travelled far more than we ever did in 6 months travelling. I’m not sure how that is possible. What I do know is that 4000 miles of California’s highways and country lanes are infinitely more alluring than the M1, that the only thing left in …
Welcome Home, the helium balloon that welcomes us says. Except it’s not really home. Or it doesn’t feel it. But then after a day it does. Having had an emotional breakdown at the baggage carousel where I almost climbed on it, rotated through to the runway strip and tried to stow away on the next …
It’s because I’m English and from nowhere comes a surge of national pride. I cannot let the side down. And that is the reason that I find myself diving off a boat a mile from shore. Into open water where I most definitely cannot see to the bottom. I want to add here that I’ve …
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