John and I are discussing over instant messenger the offer I’ve just had from a publisher to turn this blog into a book. In the light of the offer I’ve been reading back over the blog posts from when I first started blogging almost five years ago to the day now. I’ve been laughing over …
I am so into this whole Mormon marriage thing. It totally makes sense. I don’t know why it hasn’t spread to the mainstream. I for one am IN. Obviously with a few tweaks…like the women should be the ones who get to marry multiple partners. I feel I am something of an authority on this …
‘You always do this’ ‘Do what?’ ‘Act like this’ ‘Like what?’ I ask – though in my head I know full well what he is talking about. John is suggesting I’m acting like a teenager. I shrug, huff, cross my arms over the chest. ‘I’m coming aren’t I?’ I ask slamming the car door. I …
John asked me. No, I told him I would. Let’s get this straight. I offered. Because, given that we’ve run though my book advance as though it was on a self-destruct timer, we’re now living off him. And I’ve never lived off any man (other than my dad…thanks dad!). John paying for stuff – as …
For those of you who’ve followed us since the beginning you’ll remember that our reasons for leaving the UK were numerous. We wrote these reasons on post-its and stuck them on the wall of our bedroom in south east London before we decided to up stix and get the hell out of dodge. The reasons …
Let’s get one thing clear. I’m not American. But I kind of prefer the whole giving thanks idea to the whole big fat man dressed in red, family horror, queen’s speech, overcooked turkey and ooh look more socks day of hell idea. Let’s get another thing clear. I hate Christmas. Always have. I like living …
Before – once upon a time – when I used to be a professional – I knew what punctuality was. It seems that in the last nine months punctuality and I have become estranged. Possibly permanently. It’s quite amazing how quickly it happened. John and I have never worn watches and for a time whilst …
‘Daaaarling,’ I say, ‘Do you like my new bikini?’ John pauses to look up from his computer which oftentimes I think he should have married instead of me. It certainly gets more attention and is probably worth more than I am. Not that that would be hard. Anything worth more than approximately £10.34 would be …
‘It is not my fault. It is the map’s fault.’ ‘A-ha,’ John murmurs from the driver’s seat. ‘No. Seriously. This map is totally fecking shite. Joshua Tree could be 5 metres away, it could be 5 miles or it could be 500 light years away. Want to know why it could be any of those? …
We have stacked our bed frame in the garage. The garage is like a giantastic game of tetris and John has played a winning game. It’s like a vacuum inside. All the air has been displaced by furniture. You can’t breathe if you go in there – there’s no oxygen. It’s like space. So I …
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