I was really, really sick last night. I projectile vomited a punnet of cherries – just like in that scene from Stand By Me when the fat kid (nicknamed Lardass – co-incidentally that happens to be my brother’s name for me) swallows a litre of cod liver oil and then eats a dozen cherry pies all …
Our neighbour Made broke his leg a year ago in a moped accident. He’s still on crutches and can’t walk. He’s also in a lot of pain. He just came over to show me his leg and I did well to keep my breakfast down. I’m not good with bodily secretions. Least of all yellow …
I’m writing this about friends of ours – friends whose company I enjoy a lot. But I’m never going to have dinner with either of them again. That’s because they’ve given up eating. As in solids. As in chewing. And you thought I was lazy. And they’re not doing this indefinitely. No, they’re doing this …
I just watched Ugly Betty. Guilty pleasure. Up there with Lainey Gossip and well, just plain old gossip. Alula loves ‘Beddy’ as she calls her. She thinks she’s a princess (which makes me proud – she can see past the braces and the fugly at the tender age of 4 and recognize the beauty within). …
I just read this on someone’s facebook page: Plant Sourced Only (Vegan) Diet is key in this time of evolution on the planet. Eating animals and their milk and eggs lowers our vibration. It takes spiritual power and energy to hold true to plant sourced only. We are light beings! While there is a wave …
‘I know what you need,’ Suki says when I tell her I feel really crappy. Steak. I am thinking I need steak. When I woke up this morning that was the first thing that popped into my head. I WANT STEAK. In the same way that most people wake up and go ‘oooh I fancy …
Something has happened to me. Something truly quite shocking. It’s like good kids who get sent to Feltham and come out knife wielding crack addicted nutjobs. I am that kid. And Ubud is my Feltham. And after four weeks I’ve changed. I think I’m a nutjob. Just not a knife-wielding crack addicted one. I have …
I’m having a ceremony for the opening of the clinic, my friend Meg tells me. She is opening Ubud’s first proper colonic clinic. (I’m not sure what proper means? That they have EU certified hoses or something?) I’ve no idea what it will involve she says, but please come. You will have to give a …
Our lovely housemate who is staying a few weeks comes into the kitchen one morning and asks: ‘What time does Bintang open?’ (Bintang being the local supermarket on a par with Lidl). ‘8 I think,’ John says, ‘But if you need anything for breakfast just help yourself.’ ‘I need butt lube,’ she says. ‘Right,’ says …
London. It just exhausts me. Last night I found myself drenched, numb, bone tired and hating on the whole transport system. And all I could think about – to the point that I almost burst into tears as I stood at south ken tube staring at macaroons in the window of Paul that cost £3.30 …
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