Dear Alula, Yesterday you cried. You were inconsolable. You want to leave now, you sobbed. You don’t want to make friends in England, you said, because you’ll just end up leaving them, so what’s the point? You’re really bad at math, you cried. And you call braids braids, not plaits. Who calls them plaits anyway? …
Perhaps it’s because I’ve finally started venturing out of the house after a bout of dengue (that’ll please all the folk who sent me black magic curses) or perhaps it’s just because living in a small town you are eventually, by the law of statistics, bound to have run-ins with the people you have blogged …
‘You always do this’ ‘Do what?’ ‘Act like this’ ‘Like what?’ I ask – though in my head I know full well what he is talking about. John is suggesting I’m acting like a teenager. I shrug, huff, cross my arms over the chest. ‘I’m coming aren’t I?’ I ask slamming the car door. I …
I am ill with flu. People have suggested various remedies: Having an enema, drinking colloidal silver, imbibing reishi mushroom tincture and green juice fasting. Has no one here heard of Nurofen cold and flu? I feel like some furtive drug dealer slipping them into my mouth whilst no one is looking….drugs are so frowned on …
I’m a Londoner. I will always be a Londoner. My grandfather grew up on the Old Kent road. My mum was born on the Peabody estate in Pimlico. I spent a lot of time as a kid staring out the window of my grandmother’s flat over at Battersea Power Station never understanding the optical illusion …
The psychics are angry. I’m noticing a weird pattern. And I’ve deduced that either a) I’m evil b) I’m dying very soon c) They can read my mind (as in they are all telepaths) Because every time I pass a psychic on the street in Bali, which I have to tell you, is quite frequently, …
Things I could do today in Ubud: Learn about Sacred Commerce (but first I’d have to understand what that meant) Join with others in a Galactic and Universal Movement of Consciousness which will bring back Heaven on Earth (but smoking dope here could lead to 500 years hard labour so I’m not sure what the …
I’m a failure. This according to Nyoman and Made the two women who own the shop over the road. I am a failure because I only have a daughter. ‘You have more children soon yes?’ they ask. ‘Err no. Not planning on it,’ I say. They stare at me with a mixture of pity and …
A list of the people I have met in the last five days: Iridolgist Raw food cook Colonic irrigator Sexuality through yoga teacher Tarot reader Theta balancer Ecstatic dance teacher Feng Shui Balancer Soapnut evangelist Where are all the accountants and lawyers? They are not here I have figured, because there is no place for …
I have re-entered the depths of an area I will refer to only as the Compton of South London (no, not Peckham). I am walking down the street. A fourteen year old boy is coming towards me pushing a pram (I don’t think the progeny therein is his own – possibly it belongs to the …
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