Clutching my phone and hyperventilating, I call John. ‘Help,’ I whisper under my breath, ‘I need help.’ ‘What’s the matter?’ ‘There’s too much gravy.’ ‘OK. What do you mean?’ I take a step back, banging into a trolley, and take in the full, eye-blistering, mind melting array of gravy options. I’m powerless, my brain pulling …
Alula and I decided that to mark the end of days (ahem) we would spend an entire day in Ubud doing everything we loved most. As it turned out that mainly involved eating. Before we left the house we wrote a bucket list of the best things to do in Ubud. And yes, that does …
‘I repeat your order, OK?’ I look around in panic at everyone else at the table but they’re all locked in conversation. Mightily convenient. It’s an unspoken rule in restaurant / cafe situations that at least one of the people at the table listens to the waiter repeat back the order. It’s a good practice …
At midnight we land. I wake Alula. She’s now so big that I can only carry her for about 0.4 seconds before I have to set her down again so there’s no way I’m carrying her off this plane. Plus I have shopping bags laden down with Percy Pigs and a My Little Pony. Bless …
This time last year I wrote a Thanksgiving blog post where I went all Ubud and listed all the things I was grateful for. I think it included things like not having to commute, not having to manage people any more, living in Bali, living in Bali, living in Bali. And even though I’m not …
It’s trick or treat time. Being British I’m faintly disturbed by this tradition; squirmish about the concept of fancy dress (the effort involved seems commensurate with axing the trees to light your own funeral pyre), cynical of the commercialization of yet another pagan / christian ceremony and also mightily stressed out by the following email, …
On my list of things to do in 2011 I have the following written: 8. Give up cooking. So I’m not sure why I’ve just spent $100 on an oven. (You can tell it’s a good oven.) It actually just looks like a giant toaster. But with a spit thing in the middle just in …
Two four year olds stand before me, hands on hips. ‘Is there Birthday cake?’ one demands. ‘Yes.’ ‘Is the Cake Raw?’ the other asks. ‘No.’ ‘Is the cake Vegan. Because I’m Vegan,’ says the other. ‘No.’ ‘Well, what will I eat?’ ‘Um…'(I don’t know but I’m thinking there’ll be more cake for me). I walk …
Bird song Cool air South east accents (lots of fucking this fucking that) Pints of beer Kettle chips Roast lamb Strawberries and raspberries Croquet Beer bellies Bad fashion (I’m in the provinces) It’s light still at 7pm! Aggression Wine wine wine Goat’s cheese An English country garden complete with roses and um, I don’t know …
It’s John’s birthday next week. I took him out for an early celebration on Sunday. We went to buy a drum. But the man is fussier about drums than he is about socks. Anyway, then he got a massage (not from me – don’t be stupid) and then dinner. I did a search online and …
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