I am going to be drawing some parallels now between myself and Diane Kruger because I look just like her. So get ready.

We just watched this film called ‘Anything for her’ (spoiler alert!). In it Diane is accused of killing her boss and sentenced to 20 years in a prison where the hallogen strip lighting makes even her, and lets not forget she played Helen of Troy, look ugly. But her husband, who you don’t believe for a nanosecond she would look twice at in real life and which therefore put my belief suspending ability really to the test in ways that even New Moon didn’t, is convinced she’s innocent (and actually she is innocent despite me yelling ‘she so did it’ for the first half of the film).

So the husband spends ages drawing scale plans of the prison on his bedroom walls, robs a drug dealer accidentally murdering him in the process, sells everything they own, says a permenant adios to all his family and then breaks the ill-lit Diane out of the prison so they can leg it to San Salvador with bambino in tow.

When the credits roll I turn to John,

‘Would you do that for me?’

He pauses an inordinately long time. I assume this is because he is weighing up whether he would say adios to his record collection for a life on the run with me. I don’t want to know the answer to that one so I hurry on…

‘Well I suppose it’s slightly different. Her husband was convinced of her innocence, whereas you’d probably be convinced of my guilt. For pretty good reason.’

John laughs but he doesn’t argue with me. Hmmmmmmm.

It sparks some debate in my head that night whilst I’m trying to sleep about the things that people will do for love, and all the things you wouldn’t be able to do without someone – metaphorically at least -breaking you out, getting you a fake passport and subbing your escape. I’d better start being nice to John. Never know when I might need him to make that call over the records or me.

However, it occurs to me that whilst John might have nagging doubts over my innocence if I ever got charged with murder, he has on the other hand shown himself to be a pretty cool conspirator in plotting my escape from the strip lighting of number 1 London Bridge. Without his reassurance I’d definitely still be imprisoned / employed. Witness…

‘Are you sure we can do this?’


‘Are you quite sure?’


‘Really, really sure?’


‘Will you keep me if it all goes wrong?’

I think he says yes to this. I block out the answer.

So, you see, Diane and I have a lot more in common than just looking the same and fancying Pacey from Dawson’s Creek.

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