Alula: Play with me mummy
Me: Only if I don’t have to play barbies.
Alula: But I want to play barbies
Me: Well I don’t like Barbie
Alula: Why not?
Me: Because Barbie represents an image of womanhood and beauty that I find offensive.
Alula: No she doesn’t. Don’t be silly mummy. Let’s play Barbie.
Me: Urgh. What do I have to do?
Alula: Make her talk.
Me: Ok. ‘My name’s Barbie and I’m a silly vacuous fool with ridiculous statistics an obsession with pink and deformed feet from wearing high heels, just like Victoria Beckham.’
Alula: Mummy that’s not how she talks.
The next morning:
Me: Oh look Barbie’s sleeping
Alula: No she’s not sleeping.
Me: Oh, is she resting?
Me: so what is she?
John: I had a big conversation with lula about why girls aren’t always best. And why boys can be better sometimes.
Me: Don’t go putting ideas into her head.
On the way home from school
Alula: Look that man just said hello to me. But I’m not going to say hello back because I don’t know his name.
Me: Good job. Generally we don’t say hello to strange men.
Alula: We don’t?
Me: Not unless they’re very, very good looking and then we can make an exception to that rule.
Alula: If they’re very very handsome we can say hello?
Alula: So if they’re like Eggy (her first ever crush) or like Fintan (her cousin), I can say hello?
Me: Yeah. You can say hi if they’re like Eggy or Fintan.
Alula: I want to marry Fintan and I want Eggy to be my baby’s daddy.