Right here’s another one for you. You’ll need to be sitting down.

Yesterday my friend shoved a picture in front of my face and told me to stare at it.

‘I’m not much good at these staring until a picture jumps out at you things,’ I said as my eyes went fuzzy. If I was ordered to do a Rorshach test they’d have to invent a new scale just for me.

‘I see an owl,’ I say hoping that will be enough for me to look away and get on with perusing the take out menu.

‘It’s Pleiadian technology,’ she says.

‘What’s that?’ I ask thinking that it must be some new type of psych analysis tool.

‘The Pleiadians come from a star system many light years away and they’ve come to earth to enlighten us.’

‘Is this scientology?’ I ask suspiciously.

‘No,’ she says, ‘It’s true. Look it up online.’

Because if I can look it up online it is most definitely true.

I do though, out of curiosity at just how crazy the world is. And even though I live in Ubud and I know crazy takes many, many forms – from the mildly eccentric (amongst which I count myself) to the outright lockupable psychotic – I still find it eternally fascinating that crazy can always be taken to a new level.

So as to not hold this enlightenment back from all you, this is what I learnt from google and a chosen Pleiadian representative on earth:

Pleiadians  are humanoids that come from a planet 500 light years away but in their beam ships it only takes them 7 hours to commute to earth.

Jesus was the son of Pleidians called Gabriel and Mary.

The Pleiadians found earth in 225,000bc and the Intergalactic Federation let them stay here but they all left again around 10 AD (leaving only Jesus behind!)

They live to be 700 years old.

Their mission is to help humans find enlightenment.

‘Are you sure this wasn’t written by a failed screenwriter slash con man?’ I ask.

‘No, it’s true,’ my friend insists. ‘How do you know it isn’t?’

She has a point. It may very well be true. Who am I to say? And if it is true I don’t want them to land and refuse to offer me a trip on their spaceship because of my unenlightened response to their weird pictures and my cynical attitude to those they have ‘chosen’ to be their elective representatives here on earth.

But seriously, if you’re going to choose elective representatives to preach your gospel whilst you sit in another galaxy 500 light years away, why choose someone who so clearly is writing from their own galaxy many ounces of weed away? Why not choose someone like Polly Toynbee (serious, well respected journalist)? Or Oprah (for the popular vote)? Or Richard and Judy (so we could watch them arguing about it)?

The Pleiadians will land along with other benevolent extraterrestrials after the major changes have occured on Earth. When we are in The Photon Band by year 2000, th Pleiadians will bring in Mother Ships to help the survivors of Earth with food and temporary shelter.

They have the technology to grow food immediately on their Mother Ships by using special soil and seeds. The plants grow immediately to full maturity. So people of earth, do not despair, help will be there when you need it. All you have to do for now is keep your body frequency to one of Love, so you can ascend to the fifth dimension by year 2005. You will then become part of the new civilization of light on a planet of light. See you all at the Cosmic Party in the year 2012!

I like to think I’m fairly open minded, and I’m well up for a cosmic party in 2012. I’d also love to be enlightened and meet people from another humanoid race before I die. But I think you might be out on your dates there love so I won’t be packing my bags just yet.