I am ill with flu.

People have suggested various remedies: Having an enema, drinking colloidal silver, imbibing reishi mushroom tincture and green juice fasting.

Has no one here heard of Nurofen cold and flu?

I feel like some furtive drug dealer slipping them into my mouth whilst no one is looking….drugs are so frowned on here. Sticking a lubed hose up your butt and hosing it out is fine, giving up eating and absorbing all your body’s energy requirements by lying in the sunshine and smelling the pretty flowers is totally acceptable, raising no more than a nod of encouragement, but taking a little white pill of pharmaceutical goodness is so frowned upon you’d think I was snorting babies’ brains.

Even admitting your child has had vaccinations for tetanus and polio makes people tut and shake their head – as if you’ve admitted to having them tattooed with the numbers 666 across their butt cheeks.

Quick shove me up against a wall and break out the uzis.

Over here, all drugs, except the mushroom (non reishi) kind are BAD. Kill someone? Get out of jail free. Get caught with a joint? Line up against the wall whilst they usher in the firing squad…

Sometimes it feels like we’ve fallen down a rabbit hole.

Case in point – a fourteen year old Australian boy got caught buying some weed on the beach down south last week. He’s now in prison awaiting charges which could be in the region of a twenty year sentence if he’s lucky.

Can you even imagine being his parents? Too awful to contemplate. I have to say if my kid bought drugs in Bali though I’d be tempted (tempted I’m saying – not that I would) to just let him or her suffer the consequences because it’s Darwinism at work surely? It’s not like the warnings aren’t stark enough. It’s not really possible to miss the skull and crossbones that meet you when you get off the plane and the large sign saying ‘THE PUNISHMENT FOR POSSESSION OF DRUGS IS DEATH!’

And if you come from Australia there’s also the well-documented cases of the Bali 9 and Schapelle Corby – all Australian citizens caught trafficking drugs into Bali and who are now sitting in Kerobokan prison. But maybe those stories act like the pictures of lung disease on the backs of cigarette packs. Maybe most 14 year olds just ignore it all thinking they’re immortal, untouchable and it could never happen to them…

Which is why the other day we were discussing with friends when would be a good point to leave Bali and take up residence elsewhere. Unanimous vote on when the kids get to be teenagers…

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