This is what day three of a juice fast sounds like:

Fuck juice.

I hate Ubud. I hate the rain. I hate the cold.

I want coffee.

You know I bet you green juicing people would tell me that this anger and rage is normal and that my body is releasing emotions along with all the toxic waste in my colon and that eating just numbs us to these emotions which really need to be cleansed from the body or they’ll make us sick and if I can make it through day three I’ll feel like a light being filled with joy and bliss. Well, I WANT TO NUMB MY BODY WITH CAKE.

I want sushi. I’ll even blend it if necessary.

I hate my life.

I am bored.

I’m never drinking anything green ever again unless it’s absinthe.

I’m tired.

It’s total crap what they say about green juice giving you everything you need because if it did why do you lose weight? Why is your body chowing down on your fat reserves if the green juice is giving you everything you need?

Oooh I’ve lost 2kg.

If I liquidize a hamburger and fries with wasabi mayonnaise does that count as green juice?

Where’s the number for the sushi place?

I can’t last until tonight.

I’m not doing this again.

 

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