I am so into this whole Mormon marriage thing. It totally makes sense.

I don’t know why it hasn’t spread to the mainstream. I for one am IN.

Obviously with a few tweaks…like the women should be the ones who get to marry multiple partners.

I feel I am something of an authority on this because a) I just read the Red Tent and that whole book is about plural marriage (and periods) B) I’m currently experiencing something resembling a Mormon marriage myself. Well kind of. I mean it’s not consummated in any way WHATSOEVER but our housemate Till is for all intents and purposes like a second husband.

He’s not gay (I need to put that in as a qualifier only because I think he’d like women to know he’s available – and I can highly recommend him to any women looking for lurvvvvve with a German Larry David)…but he’s basically like my gay husband because he’s way more evolved than any other straight man I know. He’s the husband that I go to to talk about horoscopes and to moan about feeling bloated or when John is too busy working to listen to me just talk.

Till will always listen sympathetically without trying to solve my problems and then he’ll offer to make me a banana coconut smoothie or to order food from Bali Buddha or he’ll look up what’s happening in the Mayan calendar to explain why I’m feeling angry/sad/sick/tired…(and weirdly it’s ALWAYS a solar flare).

Also – he’s brilliant at fixing my computer when it breaks.

Like in multiple marriages you have different partners for different things (in The Red Tent the dude goes to one wife for advice on the goats, the other for her curries, the other for ‘entertainment’), Till is my go to husband for the girl stuff (he has long hair so we can even swap conditioner, whereas John shaves his head commando style so he doesn’t even know what conditioner is) and John is my go to husband for well… all the rest . Imagine if you got to live with your best girlfriend AND your husband. That’s how cool it is.

Witness this morning; John is working at the kitchen table. I’m preparing breakfast for Alula. Till is just hanging out. I start talking to John and Till about something. I want an answer to it. I want to be acknowledged. John ignores me but Till listens. And I realise that the beauty in this set up is that with two men in the house the chances are that at any given time one of them will probably be listening. When it’s just John in the house chances are I will be talking into the void. For this service that Till provides I think John feels insanely grateful. He doesn’t need to tune in. Till’s like his wingman.

Then feeling grateful, I start talking about something else. Till turns and walks out the door as I’m mid-sentence.

‘This one’s yours John,’ he calls over his shoulder.

They’re tag teaming me.