The psychic says yes, go.

One of my best friends says no, stay. The other has a baby.

My dad says come home.

John says, do what you need to do. I don’t want you to be unhappy.

Alula says, yes but not if I have to go to school in England.

My gut says …. I don’t know what it says. I can’t hear it. Or maybe I can and I’m just ignoring it.

I throw the question out to the Twitterverse. All but two people ignore it. The two who reply tell me that Christmas is only Christmas in England and for that reason I must return. Oh dear, they don’t know me well. They obviously don’t know how allergic to Christmas I am.

The Twitterverse failing me I ask for a sign from the universe that leaving Bali is the right thing to do.

I open my eyes. There’s a dead cat in my path. Honest to god. A dead cat. Its eyes milky and opaque, staring up at me.

Great. What does that mean?

I ask again as I come in the house, whisper the question to Ganesha, the stone god who guards our entrance.

I sit down on the step. The wind blows the blow-up globe belonging to Alula out from under the bench and across the lawn. It comes to a rest. It’s showing me North America, the world.

I stare at it, and laugh.

My gut says go. OK, OK, I’m listening.



4 thoughts on “I don’t know if I’m coming or going

  1. London! I’d jump at the chance. And you are not me, so pay no attention to what I would do. I have been to Bali–you may recall that your blog had something to do with my going to Bali (on vacation)–and, while being in Bali cannot be compared to anywhere else, the universe does have a way of leading you forward to the next and the next adventure (maybe a lesson or two thrown in). Have you considered the synchronicity of being “invited” just now to live in London or anywhere in England you might be happy to live–after all, small island, you could get to and from John from anywhere in the UK in short order? I moved two children hither and thither to many schools –averaging 2 years in each place over 20 years. We survived happily. I dunno what you should do about the move, but I love the idea of the blog being book worthy. Thank you for leading me to Bali.

  2. Ingrid says:

    I guess a way to relieve anxiety is to concentrate on the small beautiful things “home” has to offer, like the lovely sunlight I see right now against a grey sky (I like grey, I might be biaised here), the crunchy fallen leaves in the parks and countryside, the mulled wine, long scarves, and pubs with fireplaces. Because these are all temporary little things worth enjoying until the new leg of your adventures (and probably a good bank of new, amazing sensorial memories for your daughter).

    And forget about Christmas.
    Let’s not forget to forget about Christmas (I’m with you there…)

  3. annelie says:

    Does your psychic do skype consultations?? I need a good one as I have the same decision to make – stay or go, back to the U.K that is..definitely looking for new pastures but we seem to have become inert and finding a million and one reasons to go nowhere..

    1. SarahAlderson says:

      Yes, her name is Jennie Falco. She does them by Skype. Website is Highest Good.

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