I’m hanging out at Singapore’s number one visitor attraction. The airport. Last time we were here I ruminated on why it was the number one visitor attraction and came to the conclusion it was because Sing Sing sucks so hard everyone’s rushing to Changi to catch the first flight out. Either there or to the …
For those of you who don’t know me so well, I use the word ‘dude’ quite a lot. I use it occasionally as a term of endearment as in ‘hey dude’ meaning ‘hello my friend’ but more often I use it in lieu of the words ‘for fuck’s sake’ I figure that by using the …
‘Mrs Putu will come and get you,’ Natasha says. ‘And lock you in a cage,’ I add. ‘And make you clean her toenails,’ ‘With your tongues,’ Jay completes the image. The three fall silent. Their faces in the candlelight are struck with horror. A lip quivers. I hear a wimper. Maybe we went too far. …
Ok. Today was a bad day. It went like this. Lula woke at 6.30. We had our first screaming episode of the morning over suncream. I’ve managed to win the insect repellent battle by convincing her that the bugspray is perfume. She submits to lashings of the citronella now because she thinks Egg, her amour, …
Alula is in love. She’s in love with a little boy who lives down the road – son of some friends of ours who followed after us from Goa. Lula has her first boy crush and it’s scary. I mean, it’s scary for poor Eggy, possibly the cutest most adorable boy in the world. If …
I’m on a train right now. The light is dying outside – and the clouds are glowing rosy pink over the limestone hills. Enough with the pretty. Inside the train it’s prison strip lighting, tacky floors and toilets that make me yearn for a penis (as in, that I had one for peeing with, I …
‘So what do you fill your days with?’ a friend asks in an email. I stare at the screen frozen. What exactly do I do every day? I have no idea. My fingers hover over the keyboard as I try to think. I have become one of those women I used to read about with …
We have gone up in the world. We are staying in a dead posh hotel. We know it is posh because Alula’s first words upon tearing through the room and discovering the bathroom were, ‘YAY! There’s Loo paper!’ (Mine were, ‘YAY! There’s a minibar!’, John’s were: ‘Yay! There’s wifi’) That says it all really doesn’t …
‘There are 28 people in my pool.’ ‘It’s not our pool.’ Hmmmm. Details. ‘There are 28 people in my pool. Don’t they know it is MY pool?’ I cut myself off because I realise I am starting to sound like Lola from Charlie and Lola and I am almost thirty years older than Lola. I …
canwelivehere.com 