‘It is today right? The picnic is today?’ We stop in the middle of the rutted road that runs to Alula’s nursery. ‘Yeah. It said Thursday on the invite. It’s Thursday today isn’t it?’ ‘I’m not sure. Is it?’ ‘I don’t know. Hang on. It might be Wednesday.’ ‘Wait. I can figure this out. What …
Al Gore is visiting later this month. Richard Branson popped by for tea a few weeks ago. The dude from Ben & Jerry’s ran an ice cream-making workshop a month or so ago. So you know, they’re used to visiting dignitaries. We fit in well. The Green School in Bali – it kind of defies …
Aside from the fact we’ve just spent two months in India and aside from the fact I am already familiar with Neasden, John is insisting we visit Little India. Whilst we are in Singapore. I don’t want to visit Little India. I want to visit air-conditioning and malls and clean sparkling buildings. I want to …
Dharavi is the largest slum in Asia. It is 2sq kilometres and home to 1 million people. Yes you heard me, ONE million people. Not a one of them wearing converse, leggings and a dress from Gap. So my attempt to blend in is not working. People are staring at us like we’re another life …
‘I can’t go. I have NOTHING to wear,’ I wail to John whilst rooting through my rucksack like a squirrel after winter nuts. John can’t believe I’m worrying about fashion at a time like this. ‘I’m serious. I have NOTHING to wear. I can’t go.’ I repeat. It’s a calculated hysteria. I’m hoping this excuse …
They row canoes across the beach searching for tigers and fairies called Happy. They climb mountains and make princess castles in the sand. In the meantime we sit, drink vodka limcas and pay the nearest five year old five rupees to watch they don’t drown. Does that make us bad parents? I keep asking this …
I am lying in my sickbed dying of consumption. Or that’s what it feels like. I saw Bright Star yesterday and I think John Keats had nothing on this. Ok, there’s not blood. Yet. But I lean up to hack up sputum and then collapse backwards onto the bed one arm flung out. I just …
‘Alula don’t chase after a boy. Ever.’ I yell after her disappearing back. ‘Why?’ she calls over her shoulder. ‘It’s not ladylike. Always let them chase you.’ She doesn’t listen. She is off tearing after Noah. The thing is Patnem beach is about two kilometres long. Ok, I’m rubbish at distance. Maybe it’s more like …
Can I have a carry? Where is my helicopter what the man gave me? Can Barbie come to the beach? Can I have a carry? I think Sleeping beauty is best because she has a pink dress don’t you? Will you build a sandcastle with me? Does that dog want to eat me? Can I …
‘I think my daughter goes to nursery with your daughter’, I say. ‘Oh right’, the woman says looking me over, ‘Are you on holiday here?’ ‘No we’re travelling and working remotely (well I’m doing the travelling and John’s doing the working but why go into detail?). We’ve rented a house in the village,’ I tell …
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