So it turns out there is a point when the ATM decides to say NO. Or in my case NO. NOW BACK THE HELL AWAY FROM THE TERMINAL, TURN AROUND AND GET OUT. Could be that withdrawing thousands of dollars worth of rupiah (which runs into the billions so high that I can’t even count …
The last three days have been some of the longest of my life. I’ve been waiting to hear back from 11 publishers. I wrote a book about a year ago. Well I started it a year ago. It’s fiction. Of the young adult variety. Kind of Twilight meets Heroes but my main character could take …
Ok. Today was a bad day. It went like this. Lula woke at 6.30. We had our first screaming episode of the morning over suncream. I’ve managed to win the insect repellent battle by convincing her that the bugspray is perfume. She submits to lashings of the citronella now because she thinks Egg, her amour, …
‘I can’t go. I have NOTHING to wear,’ I wail to John whilst rooting through my rucksack like a squirrel after winter nuts. John can’t believe I’m worrying about fashion at a time like this. ‘I’m serious. I have NOTHING to wear. I can’t go.’ I repeat. It’s a calculated hysteria. I’m hoping this excuse …
‘Alula don’t chase after a boy. Ever.’ I yell after her disappearing back. ‘Why?’ she calls over her shoulder. ‘It’s not ladylike. Always let them chase you.’ She doesn’t listen. She is off tearing after Noah. The thing is Patnem beach is about two kilometres long. Ok, I’m rubbish at distance. Maybe it’s more like …
It’s way, way, way more expensive than you think it’s going to be. Not like when you go to Ikea and can’t understand how a plastic collander, some plants, a shower curtain, two mugs and a hanging storage container has come to £112.56 (£113.55 once John has bought himself a reconstituted hotdog). Nor like Paris …
‘We’re never going to make it!’ ‘Yes we are.’ ‘No! We’re not. We’re never going to make it!’ Can you guess what film it is yet? Here’s a clue… It’s not Annie – though funnily enough those words are exactly what the orphan kids say when they’re on their way to Daddy Warbucks’ mansion. I …
There’s a smile splitting my face in two at 7.30 in the morning despite my epic hangover. Let’s analyse why. I don’t have to get up for work. Don’t look for number 2. There is no 2. I don’t have to get up for work EVER again. Shhhhh don’t interrupt my joy with questions like …
So the yellow tabarded ones who announce your train is late and who never know why are on patrol. In amongst the heaving rush hour crowd one man dares step over the yellow line. It causes more outrage than a Guantanamo inmate escaping the barbed wire fence and crossing into Cuba. ‘Get back behind the …
‘You’re not stepping off the escalator Sarah.’ ‘I’m not?’ ‘No, you’re jumping off a cliff.’ ‘Oh.’ That doesn’t sound like something I want to be doing. But I don’t want the panic to show on my face so I reach for my glass and laugh loudly whilst swigging back the contents in two gulps. I’m …
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