‘Are you hearing this boys? Now always wear a condom.’ The boys laugh but I see their fear. I see it hovering at the back of their eyes like kids who don’t want to be chosen for PE. The fear – it is being generated by none other than my 3 almost 4 year old …
We did a 5 day roadtrip. We drove 1500 miles. Half of which were unnecessary and ending in three point turns. Having said that we saw most of southern California. We headed East first to Big Bear Lake through the Mojave. We kept Lula from going car crazy by telling her to look for Bears. …
Disneyland – the happiest place on earth. Also the fattest. I didn’t know fat like this existed. It’s not like the fat you sometimes see in the UK. It’s astonishing fat. It’s six belly folds fat. It’s humungous fat and it’s queuing in front of you at the ice cream place ordering a triple chocolate …
I think I did part 1 back in India and I probably talked about wishing that I’d packed an extra suitcase rammed with Percy Pig fizzy pig tails. Also I think I probably talked about wishing I hadn’t wasted valuable baggage weight by packing three shades of nail polish. My friend Cynthia was right. Even …
‘It is not my fault. It is the map’s fault.’ ‘A-ha,’ John murmurs from the driver’s seat. ‘No. Seriously. This map is totally fecking shite. Joshua Tree could be 5 metres away, it could be 5 miles or it could be 500 light years away. Want to know why it could be any of those? …
I’m not sure how exactly we ended up here. It involves marriage. And step uncles and fathers and weird shit I’d rather not delve into. And less genetically it also involved John spending as long at the Alamo car hire place choosing a Ford Focus as it did to cross the pacific and that was …
Yes. I could live in Perth. If the apocolypse was looming / and or I just been told I had six months to live. Or if the people whose house we’re staying in wanted to maybe say give us their house to live in. Because it is rather stupendously lovely. Perth reminds me of that …
I kept telling people that the one thing I wanted to bring back to Bali was my recipe books. That I really, really missed cooking. That I was going to excess baggage my way back to Indonesia with a suitcase filled with garlic presses, creuset pans, working can openers, my juicer and even a few …
The thing about being back in ‘civilisation’ is that it’s quite stressful. The capitalist gene kicks in and everywhere I look I see things I want to buy. Ok, not everywhere I look. When I look in the clothes shops the communist gene kicks back in. But everywhere else I see things I want to …
This is what 11 degrees feels like. I’m not a one for the cold. It is one of the prime reasons we left the UK. Re-entering climes of less than 30 degrees sent my body into the type of violent shock usually witnessed in car crash victims. My teeth almost shattered. The muscles in my …
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