I am starting to wonder if there’s anyone in Ubud who believes in the theory of evolution.
It’s not that Ubud is home to Christian fundamentalists all preaching creationism, hating on gays and believing we’re descended from Adam and Eve. Oh no, nothing like that. It’s that Ubud’s full of people who think we’re light beings descended from another planet.
Being English, when I’m confronted by crazy talk (of either the Christian fundamentalist or the thetan / light being variety) I feel an overwhelming urge to take the fucking piss. My friends’ voices will pop into my head at these moments and say something that will make me giggle out loud. I have to physically restrain my eyeballs from rolling into the back of my head. Unfortunately I have no one normal to turn to at these times (other than John) but he’s not one for taking the fucking piss. He’s too nice for that. So I’m all alone thinking of snappy comebacks and have no one to turn to, clutch and screech with laughter. I miss British people.
I miss our self-deprecation. I miss people who say everything with their tongue in their cheek. I miss people who know that a conversation involves two way questioning and not one way yaddering about themselves mostly or about authenfuckingticity. I miss people who think it’s totally acceptable behaviour to talk about everyone behind their backs and take the piss out of everything but that it’s unacceptable to show off. I miss people who eat pickled onion crisps and marmite and think of raw food as the state of being of a vegetable before it achieves its natural state of boiled or fried. I miss being around people who ingested a healthy dose of cynicism along with their mother’s (or Nestle’s) milk and who now have a permanently raised eyebrow as opposed to intensely irritating yogi bug eyes.
I miss people who know what ‘suis-je bovvered? regardez ma visage,’ means. I miss people who say ‘yeah, whatever,’ when confronted with idiocy and who call a spade a spade or a tool a tool rather than smiling sweetly, acknowledging the other person’s authentic expression and honouring them as a fellow light being as opposed to the total tosspot they really are.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m missing normal. Any Ubud inhabitants / believers in the theory of light beings as opposed to Darwinism will no doubt see me as a non-light being who needs to meditate my way to spiritual enlightenment and niceness.
I have just one thing to say ‘Regardez ma visage – suis je bovvered?’