We just upgraded our car. This sounds impressive but really from the jeep it was impossible to downgrade, except to maybe some roller-skates made out of shopping trolley wheels and some frayed rope.

It’s laughable that an upgrade from our tin pot on wheels, with doors that didn’t shut properly, brakes that didn’t understand their purpose and an engine that made a noise so loud and reverberating as to have its own ranking on the Richter scale, is to a car that if I saw it in the UK I’d cuss out as the kind of car that only grannies with mobility issues would ever drive. It’s the kind of car that once I scoffed at as I whipped past it on the motorway. A car on a par with a Reliant Robin.

But needs must. It actually costs more than our jeep. But for an extra $70 a month we get seatbelts, brakes and four doors, so no more of Alula clambouring with filthy feet over the seats and then me sitting in it.

You can’t drive that car,’ my friend Leila tells me. She says it in a way to suggest that our friendship may be on the line if I drive it. I know for certain that if I drive this car and bump into her on the street she will look the other way. ‘I liked you in the jeep. The jeep was cool.’

And I did feel cool zipping around town in the jeep. I’m kind of sad to lose Jeep persona. However given the status of my back which I put out the other day (no, I wasn’t having wild crazy sex, I put it out sunbathing – how hilarious is that? One minute I’m lying down sunning myself and the next I rise trying to be graceful and collapse screaming – so sexy FACT) and the fact I can no longer bend or twist, it’s quite useful to have a car I can maneuver into without bending.

The other day at the crack of dawn I packed the whackmobile and sped off to the coast by myself.  It was still dark. I wanted to get out of town before anyone could recognize me driving something so uncool. But woah. A granny mobile it may be, a mobility car it most definitely is, but this car zips. My father will be horrified to hear this but this car can overtake three lorries in a row going uphill on winding roads.

But don’t worry dad, it has seatbelts.

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