‘Daaaarling,’ I say, ‘Do you like my new bikini?’ John pauses to look up from his computer which oftentimes I think he should have married instead of me. It certainly gets more attention and is probably worth more than I am. Not that that would be hard. Anything worth more than approximately £10.34 would be …
I thought it about time I updated you on several important situations. Namely my hair and my sunglasses. Short long short long. I grew my hair whilst travelling because I only trust one person in the world to cut it and unfortunately I’m not yet rich enough to fly her out to wherever I am …
Welcome Home, the helium balloon that welcomes us says. Except it’s not really home. Or it doesn’t feel it. But then after a day it does. Having had an emotional breakdown at the baggage carousel where I almost climbed on it, rotated through to the runway strip and tried to stow away on the next …
I kept telling people that the one thing I wanted to bring back to Bali was my recipe books. That I really, really missed cooking. That I was going to excess baggage my way back to Indonesia with a suitcase filled with garlic presses, creuset pans, working can openers, my juicer and even a few …
The thing about being back in ‘civilisation’ is that it’s quite stressful. The capitalist gene kicks in and everywhere I look I see things I want to buy. Ok, not everywhere I look. When I look in the clothes shops the communist gene kicks back in. But everywhere else I see things I want to …
This is what 11 degrees feels like. I’m not a one for the cold. It is one of the prime reasons we left the UK. Re-entering climes of less than 30 degrees sent my body into the type of violent shock usually witnessed in car crash victims. My teeth almost shattered. The muscles in my …
Only in Bali do you hear the words ‘colonic irrigation’ and ‘ecstatic dancing’ in the same sentence. Actually only in Ubud. I told you – it’s like Brighton only on some parallel universe where things are enhanced to the power of 100. I was feeling down, despite the fact I was at the time eating …
Money; I once wrote that amongst the things I wish I had known before starting this was how much more money it was going to take than you naively think. I don’t know why I’m using you there, I mean I. You are probably handier with a calculator and more endowed with common sense than …
I was already feeling like an inferior human being. This mainly thanks to having spent Sunday at Ku De Ta. A place so striving to be cool it can’t even spell itself correctly. A place so filled to the brim with the beautiful people that it hurt to look for too long in one direction. …
We have twenty four hours left Malaysia before we get back to Bali. Home. As I’m tentatively starting to think of it. We’re going back for 6 weeks to make sure the honeymoon isn’t over. I haven’t loved Malaysia. Just in case you missed that. But maybe, after Bali, nowhere was going to impress. I’ve …
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